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I’ve been away from the blog for a bit too long.  I haven’t posted anything in about a week and to be quite honest, I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately.  So tonight I thought I’d check how my tiny asteroid in the universe of the Internet was doing, and maybe if the mood struck me, I’d write something.

HOORAY!

I have to admit, I am kind of obsessed with the stats page on WordPress.  For those of you who don’t blog, it tells you how may people are viewing your site, what country they are from, how they got there, what they clicked on while visiting your site, their credit card information and SSN…

kidding…I think…

Anyway, one of the most interesting parts of the stats page is “Search Engine Terms.”  This handy section of WordPress tells you what people searched that brought them to your page…and today most people found my page by using the following search terms:

“Fantastic Butts”

“We Like Big Butts Event”

Over half my meager views today (only 12) came from people typing these ever so elegant words into the great Internet librarian that is Google.  Now, I’m not here to judge, but I don’t think that these fine individuals were looking for information on the many uses of pork shoulder (AKA pork butt).  However, I am hopeful that they lingered on my page long enough to learn something, and maybe make a pretty awesome taco.  Yet I also wonder how long they were looking under those search terms before they came to my page.

So, taking a cue from our friend Hannah, who did this earlier this year on her AWESOME St. Louis blog, here are my five favorite/most disturbing ways people came to find STLOUEATS.

5: Kitchen knife unsafe: Two people have found me this way.  Are they looking for information on how to use a knife safely?  Are these professional chefs who like to scoff at amateurs who are doing things improperly?  Or are they people with severed fingers, desperately looking for other people who have befallen their fate…Finally, why am I a resource for this information?

4: Abraham Lincoln Remembers.  My trip to Springfield in August is paying search dividends!  What does Abraham Lincoln remember?  Food?  Chocolate Pie?  His tickets to Our American Cousin?  I want to know what he remembers and what it has to do with my website.  Abraham Lincoln Remembers.  It sounds so profound, yet so meaningless at the same time.

3: Had my minor operation got anesthesia.  Was this person under anesthesia when searching?  Did my blog put him under?

2: Where can I get a breaded pork tenderloin sandwich in Texas?  Hmmmm…I have no idea.  I’ll say Corpus Christi!

1:  Walmart Great Value vs. Velveeta.  Alright, you’re at the grocery store, and comparing Great Value Easy Melt and traditional Velveeta.  You ask yourself, “Do I want the IMITATION Imitation Cheese Product or the ORIGINAL Imitation Cheese Product?”  Will this work in Ro-Tel dip?  Well, I am glad to say I am here to help.  Yes, GV Easy Melt meets, NAY EXCEEDS the high standards set by Velveeta.  To a searching soul out there, you are welcome.

Honorable mention:

Can I build a chimney out of copper? Possibly???  I am not a redsmith.

A diabetic should have a kebab.  They certainly should web searcher, they certainly should.

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